How to make a guest list
and get real about who actually makes the cut…
Let’s talk about one of the trickiest parts of wedding planning: The Guest List.
Whether you're juggling a huge family, working with a tight budget, or trying to fit everyone into a cozy venue, it’s time to face the facts—some people are gonna get cut. But don’t stress, you’ve got this!
Here’s how to create a guest list that actually feels right: one that includes the people who truly matter, keeps you chill from day one, and clears out the noise—because not everyone deserves a seat at the table on your wedding day.
Step 1: Start with Your Wedding Foundation
If you've been following me for a while, you know I’m all about building a solid foundation for your wedding planning process. Think of it like the core pillars of a house—everything rests on these. For your wedding, those pillars are: guest count, budget, priorities, vision, and boundaries.
They all need to work together symbolically to keep things moving smoothly, and prevent you from getting buried in unnecessary “helpful” advice. When it comes to your guest list we’re going to start the focus on budget and boundaries, to make sure everything aligns with your wedding vision from there.
Budget: How many people can you actually afford to host? This isn’t about cramming everyone into a venue at max out capacity—it’s about making sure you can afford the people you actually want by your side, while still giving them a great guest exprerience.
Boundaries: How much input are you willing to take on? Are mom and dad or your in laws lobbying for their own guest list? What are your thoughts on kids and plus-ones? Lock in those boundaries upfront—it’ll make cutting down the list a whole lot easier later on.
Step 2: The Preliminary Draft SNZ | Make Your Secret List
Once you’ve got the basics down, it’s time for the initial guest list draft. This is for your eyes only (repeat after me: no one ever sees this list besides you & your significant other). You’re gonna pull out your laptop or a good old-fashioned pen and paper, and divide your guest list into three categories to help you get real about numbers:
MVPS |
These are your non-negotiables - The wedding guests that are SO important to you, that if they couldn’t come to your wedding, you’d honestly consider changing your wedding date for. Think your parents, grandparents, siblings, and your wedding party. This will likely be a small group, around 5-15% of your total guest list (depending how large your wedding party is).CORE GUEST LIST | Zero questions asked if invited
This is the solid invite group—the friends and family that are definitely on the list. It’s where most of your invites go (like, 70-75% of them). These are people who matter to both of you, and there’s zero debate about inviting them.THE FLEX LIST |
Here’s where you get a little wiggle room! Think co-workers you like, but don’t hang with outside of work, your mom’s wish to invite all her pickleball squad, or those distant cousins your in-laws are eager to have at the wedding. The Flex List is also perfect for deciding on kids and plus-ones if you’re still on the fence about everyone’s +1.
Not every guest needs a plus-one. If your single cousin knows most of the family, she’ll be just fine flying solo. Use this list to keep your options open without feeling boxed in.
Step 3: Redline SZN
Time to mark up that guest list and make some cuts. Pull up that spreadsheet or grab a pen and paper, and start making those tough calls. Just remember—do all of this before the Save the Dates go out. No one needs to know they didn’t make the cut—and that they were never on the final list in the first place.
A few strategies to help with Wedding Guest Redline SZN:
NO KIDS.
MVP’s Kids Only: You’re not obligated to invite every child on the planet. Maybe it’s just nieces, nephews, and the kids of your MVPs (immediate family, wedding party etc).
Limit Plus-Ones: Not every guest needs a plus-one. If your single cousin will know most of the family anyway, she’s fine flying solo.
Draw Your Family Line: We all have a few distant cousins or family friends. Set the bar at inviting only people you actually speak to regularly, see annually at holidays or that hold a very special place in your heart and life. It’s your wedding day, not a family reunion, and sometimes that can get lost in translation with the family dynamics.
Step 4: Stick to Your Boundaries
Here’s the reality: sometimes, you just have to stand your ground. Maybe you're only inviting family members you’d actually pick up the phone and call. Or maybe you’re drawing the line at third cousins you haven’t seen since you were a kid. Boundaries look different for every couple and family dynamic—so do what feels right for you.
There are a million ways to figure out who makes the final cut, but at the end of the day, it’s personal. Whether it’s your budget, venue restrictions, or family dynamics, I encourage you to lean into what feels most authentic to you as a couple.
Remember: your wedding guest list should be filled with people you truly want by your side—not everyone else’s opinion of who they think should be by your side and make the cut.
Anyways, hope this is helpful & happy wedding planning!
XOXO
The Modern Bride Guide đź’‹
